Game Reviews

Game Review | BDSM

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We All Have Needs

Sometimes you want an epic game set in space or the wild west with huge sweeping emotional narrative arcs, photorealistic vistas that spark the imagination, and dialogue that Shakespeare would nod approvingly to.

And sometimes you want to empty a chaingun into a horde of foes and watch the viscera paint the walls to a heavy metal soundtrack. For those simpler, darker delights, let me introduce you to BDSM: Big Drunk Satanic Massacre.

Let’s Set the Scene

What could possibly make hell worse? What if corporations raided it, killed Satan, and started grinding demons into cheap McFood for the general public? Yeah, that would be pretty bad. The unlikely hero of BDSM(yeah the full title is Big Drunk Satanic Massacre, but we’re calling it BDSM for short from now on) is Lou, the son of Satan. Dragged kicking and screaming from his drunken debauchery with sexy succubi, Lou grabs a gun and starts clearing out the corporate trash that has ruined hell.

50 Shades of Play

BDSM is mostly shooting your way through hell in a 3/4 overhead perspective, but there’s a lot going on around the edges to make things interesting. In a nod to Clockwork Orange, Lou chugs milk to replenish his health. You can upgrade how much milk you can carry by spending experience points you earn from slaughter and…seduction of several willing and eager succubi. Yes, there is a sex minigame with fairly mild fanservice rewards. You can also upgrade your health, ammo and rage meter with these points. Other upgrades are available at a shady wizard merchant who only takes cash, not dubious experience points earned from your conquests. Your guns can be upgraded here, which are the basic pistol, shotgun, BFG, etc.

I never got lost in the winding hallways of the various hellish stages thanks to the map, the only frustration I really experienced was running out of ammo a few times in one of the open arenas that hosted either waves of enemies or the handful of bosses that inevitably lurked at the end of a level. Each stage is fairly linear, with a few optional sidequests for extra experience points. I enjoyed plowing through the hallways, figuring out the boss’s pattern, and seeing what the next stage had to offer both in setting and new characters. I found BDSM’s simple format relaxing and untaxing, but someone else might find it repetitive.

Dress up in That Thing I Like

BDSM shamelessly wears its influences on its whiskey and milk stained sleeve. From menus to catchphrases you can’t help but recall a shooter that is MOOD spelled backwards. You’ll either love the late 90s bad dude vibe and wallow in the thick creamy waves of nostalgia or you’ll roll your eyes at it. The enemy characters parody all manner of pop culture icons from fast food mascots to cartoons and even space marines with Halos a bit different than angels.

From Vanilla to…

This game might be coming out on PC, but it’s not PC, if you catch my drift. If you are easily offended, try another game. Maybe that new Colonel Sanders dating sim is more up your alley. There’s bondage jokes, fountains of gore, lusty succubi, all manner of bodily function humor and much more to bunch the undergarments of the uptight.

If for some bizarre reason you are offended by boobs and butts and blood, you can actually go into settings and pixelate the naughty bits and turn blood into monster goo green. I really don’t know why you’d want to do this because a big part of BDSM’s appeal is its over the top spectacle. But there you go, the option is there.

Final Verdict

Big Drunk Satanic Massacre is possibly the best-titled game of the year because that’s what you get. When you just want a big loud game that maybe you wouldn’t bring home to momma, but does that thing behind closed doors that you like, BDSM will take your 2 am call. Blow literally hundreds of baddies up, seduce a few succubi and take down the bosses that sullied the good name of hell. What’s not to love?

Big Drunk Satanic Massacre releases October 10, 2019 for PC, PlayStation 4, and Nintendo Switch. A key for the PC version was provided by Big Way Games for the purpose of this review

Tim Bledsoe
Podcasts & Single-player games are his thing except on "Adventure Time Tuesdays"

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